Domestic Compromise

All successful living arrangements are a compromise: marriage, partners, friends or even just shaking-up. Duration is secondary to the primary compromise between two different living patterns or lifestyles.

Living together begins in bliss with one or both agreeing they are as alike as peas in a pod or alternatively head over heels in love. This phase passes. The pea pod is most often a limited space and love proceeds to heels over head then heedless versus headstrong. Both persons must compromise or one must move out.

Living together in a new space allows each person to physically bring into the relationship their"stuff” and our first compromise over what stuff must be either stored elsewhere or let go. Most humans are not good at letting go of their stuff. We spend our second year letting go of infancy, our mid teens letting go of childhood, our forties just letting go and moving into middle age and 70 easing into senior status. Letting go of stuff ain’t for sissies.

If the couple moves into one person’s pod space it is more difficult as old habits and possessions trump new stuff causing strife. Even moving a wall picture is grounds for a fight resulting in either compromise or the end of the relationship by separation if not some more frenetic confrontation.

The list of compromises is impressive: which side of the bed, eating out or in, where stuff should go in the pod space, grown children and pets, to name a few. Each requires s compromise for which barter seems one solution. If one gives in without a compromise one should expect to give in repeatedly resulting in one moving out.

However hard it is to voice our wishes and find a compromise, the alternative is worse. If we cannot live with someone we will have to live alone. We seek to share our lives with another, failing that we can fall back on sharing our lives with friends who live elsewhere. But the initial goal is to live with someone and that requires compromise.

I write this missive to encourage couples trying to live together to compromise. Difficult as it is to say what we want even to our most intimate contact, we must speak our mind to achieve a compromise.
The rewards far outweigh the pain.
Sharing the pea pod space encourages growth that enriches our life and keeps us aware of our limitations.